This past week has been a whirlwind of emotions and experiences, reflective of the unpredictable journey I’m on. Sometimes, it feels like I’m writing entries in a personal journal (which is actually my intentionfor these posts), as I put my thoughts down into my notes on my phone at 2am when my pain is at it’s peak and sleeping feels somewhat impossible. I don’t think about what sounds “correct” or if it even makes sense. It’s just raw emotion of what’s whirling around this jumbled brain of mine. So here’s an honest peek into the last week…

As the days roll on, I find myself increasingly exhausted. It’s an exhaustion that seems to grow by the hour, compounded by worsening headaches and a dwindling motivation that challenges me from the moment I wake up. I feel like I’m slowly losing my mind as I’m aware of how forgetful I’ve been and how easily confused I’m getting. Despite this, I’ve continued to push forward, however cumbersome that feels.

In an effort to combat this sluggishness, I started organising my days with task lists, hoping to spark some productivity. Initially, this method appeared like it had brought a sense of accomplishment and control. But as the days passed, the lists grew longer instead of shorter, and my inability to tick off even the simplest tasks became a source of frustration. This frustration often turned inward, becoming self-directed anger over uncompleted tasks.

One of the simplest tasks, washing my hair, turned into a colossal challenge. The thought of just standing in the shower was overwhelming; such basic acts drained me, leaving the rest of my day lost to naps and rest, a recovery from minimal exertions. Now I know that most people think naps are great, I won’t deny they’re my favourite activity these days. However, try to imagine having an extended nap, waking up for less than an hour, and then having another because you’re exhausted from just being awake…and then you need another and another just to keep functioning (I’m sure you see my point with this by now). It’s no wonder time flies when the day is nothing but sleeping, with only waking up for medication, food and to feel sorry for myself. So, as I lay here penning this latest entry trying to distract myself from the sharp pain shooting down my legs, I’m reminded that this simple task of a hair wash is well overdue and still remains to be completed. The frustrations continue and I just can’t switch off no matter how much my mind and body are both crying out for it.

Despite these struggles, I made a promise to myself to seek out the positives in my week, no matter how small they might seem. One of the biggest highlights for me was in the form of a weekend visit from my beautiful friend who always manages to brighten my day (I’m not sure she even knows how much of a difference she has made). She helped me assemble a set of bedside tables (well actually we managed 1 out of the 2 we intended to build, but i’d say it was still a win) – it was a task that had been on my list for quite a number of months. While it might have been a small act for my friend, for me, it was genuinely so monumental. It wasn’t just about the furniture; it was a reminder of the invaluable support system I have in my friends and family. Her presence helped me check off a lingering task and reinforced the importance of my loved ones for my mental and emotional health. She didn’t constantly ask if I was feeling okay or if I needed anything, it was nice to just feel like myself and not the girl people need to look after. I managed to smile and laugh – not the kind where I’m masking to hide a pain, but genuine laughter, genuine feelings of warmth and happy moments to positively remember. Somehow without making a fuss and looking after me – she still looked after me without even realising it.

As I reflect on the week, I realise that my journey is filled with these small victories amid larger fights. They might seem insignificant in isolation, but collectively, they’re crucial lifelines. They remind me that every little bit of progress is a step forward, and every moment of support from those around me is a treasure worth more than gold.

So, when I’m feeling overwhelmed by the day-to-day grind, I will continue to remind myself that it’s alright to acknowledge the struggle, and it’s more than okay that I’ve leant on others. Sometimes, a small act of kindness from a friend can light up an entire week, and sometimes, just getting through the day is a victory. Here’s to the small wins and a new week ahead.