It’s been a few weeks since my last post (lots of updates incoming so watch this space!) – this one is a little different but something that’s on been on my mind for a while. Something I’m faced with every time I’m out in public and something I need to talk about.

Living with medical conditions or disabilities brings with it a harsh reality: people will stare. It’s an unfortunate truth that many of us have to face. Some people do it mindlessly, their gaze fixed as they pass by, not realising the impact of their stare. Others, however, have a way of looking at you that feels invasive, as if they’re probing into your very being. It’s a look that makes you feel judged, as if your mere presence in public is an affront. The anxiety bubbles up, and suddenly, you’re overthinking every little thing.

In those moments, it feels like everyone is watching you, everyone is judging you, and no one wants you there. You become acutely aware of your disabilities, convinced that this is all anyone sees. You’ve always tried to maintain a positive outlook, telling yourself and others that you are not defined by your conditions. But in that moment, it feels like that’s all you are. The sense of being disabled overwhelms your sense of self.

I used to panic about it. The stares would trigger waves of anxiety, and I’d feel an overwhelming urge to flee. I’d become self-conscious, second-guessing everything about myself. But with time, I’ve found a way to accept it. This isn’t to say that it doesn’t bother me anymore—it’s natural to be affected by it. However, I’ve come to terms with the fact that these people don’t know me. They don’t know who I am beyond what they see.

The real turning point for me was recognising the importance of my support network (I know I’ve babbled on about support networks in my previous posts a lot). The people who matter in my life see me for who I truly am. They treat me like a human being, not just a collection of medical conditions. Their acceptance and understanding have helped me realise that while strangers may stare and judge, their opinions are fleeting and irrelevant.

What matters most is the love and support from those who truly know you. I know it’s hard to just get out of that mindset (trust me, I still struggle every single day with this). You can’t just suddenly be fine with the situation and accept that it’s all okay because you have good people in your life. We’re only human, and these feelings of anxiety and self consciousness are completely normal. The harsh fact is that people will stare, they will judge, and they will make you feel out of place. That’s not okay and it definitely doesn’t help the mental struggles for sure. But what i’m learning everyday; every outing, every moment of panic in those moments – the right people, the ones who genuinely care about you, will always see beyond your disabilities. They see you for who you are, and that’s what truly matters.

So when I’m feeling overwhelmed with the lady opposite staring me up and down because I’m unsteady on my feet as I walk to the till, or when the couple behind me are loudly sighing because i’m taking my time to get to my table at dinner – I’ll remind myself that this is not a burden, I am not a burden. In those moments, I will continue to try and remind myself that I don’t need to rush or say sorry to anyone for it. They do not need an explanation for who I am, nor are they owed an apology of any kind (I definitely apologise far too often in these instances). I will take the time I need, and I will get there – one small step at a time.